Paperback Writer

This week’s theme song:  “On My Own” from Les Misérables.

I spent three years of my life developing a crush on this guy at school.  Nice guy.  The kind you have nice fantasies about while you’re in math class because why would you think about math class when you can think about guys?  Anyway, I spent three years fantasizing about this one guy and I find out today that he’s going with someone else.

I don’t know why I spent three years crushing on him.  It’s not like I have a hard time with the opposite sex.  In fact, my mother would probably enjoy life more if I had a harder time.  It’s probably because he’s one of the few guys who doesn’t seem to notice me whenever I walk by.  That’s enough to drive a girl crazy.

So I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.  My fantasies didn’t involve him openly dating another girl.  Lexi tells me to get over it.  It’s easy for her to say that.  It’s easy for her to say everything.  And I know it’s the right thing to do, I mean I really do, but it’s just so hard.  I don’t really want to get over it.  I want him to see the error of his ways and come and sweep me off my feet.

But when I tell this to Lexi between classes she laughs at me.

“I wouldn’t wait around for that to happen,” she says.

I take my math book out of my locker and close the door.  I guess now I can spend my math classes doing math.  Or I could fantasize about Andy seeing the error of his ways and coming to sweep me off my feet.

“He’s not really worth your time,” she continues.  “He’s kind of a jerk.”

“But one with a car.”

Lexi raises her eyebrows.  “You have a car.”

“When my mother sees fit.”

“What’s that saying?  A woman needs a jerk with a car like a fish needs a bicycle?”

Sarah looks up from the book she’s reading.  “I don’t think that’s it exactly.”

Sarah’s always like that with her nose in a book and some kind of comment to let the rest of us know she’s smarter than just about everyone else.  I don’t mind it so much because I know it’s true and it works to my advantage.  She’s already taken and aced the classes I’m in now and has no qualms about passing on her knowledge.  She is kind of wound though.  She could probably use a class or two of fantasizing about guys.  Of course I’d probably have to do my own homework then.  Maybe she can wait on guys until she goes to college.  That’d be damn convenient.

“My point is, Gemma,” Lexi says.

“I know,” I interrupt.  “I was just kidding.  Lighten up already.”

I can spend math class hating his new girlfriend though it would probably be pointless.  It’s not really her fault that he likes her.  Though I suppose I could blame it on her parents.  Genetics, you know?  They made her into the blond buxom young lady that she is.  If she had my parents, she wouldn’t be blond or buxom.

My mother is nearing forty, dyes her hair the same shade of brown so she can cover up the three gray strands that are there, and has a treadmill in her bedroom so she can feel less guilty about eating fattening foods.  My father isn’t much better.  He’s the WASP poster child and about thirty seconds away from a mid life crisis.  He has a tennis racquet and a pair of running shoes in the closet so he can feel sporty and fit, but I don’t think he ever uses them.  His hair is graying too but that hasn’t seem to bother him yet.  I hope it stays that way.  I don’t think I could survive if he ever brought home a box of Just for Men.

“Gemma,” Lexi says.  “You still with us?”

“Huh?  Yeah.  Absolutely,” I say.

Sarah looks down the hall.  “I have a guidance appointment.”

“Janet Kramer?” Lexi asks.  “The importance of your junior year?”

“That is my suspicion.  I’ll tell you at lunch,” she says and then walks away.

Lexi and I head to math, going in the opposite direction as Sarah.  Lexi continues to tell me how I should be my own independent woman but I don’t listen.  Sometimes it’s tiring to listen to her.  She’s like the little angel on my shoulder telling me how I should be nice to children and puppies and stay away from the evil that is the opposite sex.  Some days I think Mom pays her.  It would explain why she loves Lexi so.  Well then again, maybe not.  Everyone loves Lexi.  Sometimes that’s tiring too.

Just before we step into the classroom, I see Andy down the hall.  He’s got his arm around that girl.  Lexi tugs on my sleeve and I look away.

I am Eponine.